


Roots in my Dreamland

by ratherbeblue



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Regency, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gender Disguise, Gender Roles, Ineffable Wives | Female Aziraphale/Female Crowley (Good Omens), Light Angst, Marriage, Marriage of Convenience
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:01:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29562996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratherbeblue/pseuds/ratherbeblue
Summary: After thirteen years apart from her childhood best friend Antonia Crowley is faced with a rare and strange opportunity to make up for her past mistakes and change her life forever, and she is not about to let that slip through her fingers.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	1. The Past

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, welcome to my Bridgerton binge induced lesbian regency AU fic. There have been so many good regency AUs recently and I knew I wanted to write my own as well with a little bit of a different twist.  
> This will be in three parts, the last of which being a smutty epilogue if you would rather avoid that.   
> Title from Taylor Swift's Ivy which is the official theme song to my brain right now.  
> I also couldn't help sneaking in some Much Ado About Nothing references. ;)

Lady Aziraphale Fell had always remembered the winters of her childhood with great fondness. When the winds grew cold and the Eastern wing of her family’s home had to be closed off she was sent to her great aunt Georgina’s house near the southern coast of the island. It was a small manor with only a few nearby neighbors, but it was full of books and warm spiced breads and one of the neighboring families happened to be the Crowleys.

Lady Lilith Crowley, Lord Johnathan Crowley, and their two children, Anthony and Antonia, lived in the manor set upon the hill across the lake from Aunt Georgina’s. They were wealthy, probably too wealthy to be staying in such a place but kept the house out of sentiment as it had been in Lilith’s family for generations and she always wanted to raise her children there. They were also quite private, Aziraphale only knowing anyone was living there because of the candlelight that came through some of the windows after dark.

The first few weeks were full of helping her aunt with what needed to be done before winter really set in, mostly canning and cleaning, but Georgina did promise she would introduce her to the neighbors who had a girl nearly the same age as her. In all the excitement though the thought of that promise fell to the wayside until it became no longer necessary. 

Aziraphale liked to read outside on the rare sunny days, there was a patch of grass untouched by snow, underneath the roof of a shed near the lake. It gave a gorgeous view while being a safe distance from the geese, which Aziraphale knew from personal experience were not fond of her.

One day as she was half way through a rather dry guide to local birds she heard the snap of a nearby twig which startled her into looking for the source. She thought she might have caught a glimpse of red among the trees to the left but couldn’t say for sure. She stayed quiet and waited for any other clue of what it might have been but soon enough brushed it off to settle into her book again.

Then a snowball hit her on the top of her head.

It had come from above and she quickly looked up with a start.

What she saw was a pair of golden brown eyes and freckles framed by an unruly mane of red leaning over the roof of her aunt’s shed.

She screamed and the girl disappeared momentarily only to drop to the ground in front of her with all her nine year old grace.

“No need to throw a fit, I was just having a bit of fun.” The girl grinned, brushing off the snow from her skirt with a bare hand.

Aziraphale was not amused.

“Well, you gave me quite the fright, and with your hair I thought there was a wild fox running loose.”

“Ha! If I’m the wild fox that must make you the rabbit.” She grinned.

“A rabbit would have run by now, surely.”

“Not if she was frozen in fear.”

“Do I seem quite fearful now?” Aziraphale challenged.

“No, you do not.” She stuck out her hand with the reckless abandon of someone who knew what she was doing was not proper and chose to do so anyway. “My name’s Antonia, you can call me Toni.”

Aziraphale was instantly fascinated by her.

.

From then on they were inseparable, the winter months were filled with loud days of ice skating and snowball fights as well as quieter ones where the two sat by the fireplace, Aziraphale reading aloud while Antonia rested her head in the cradle of her knees. For Aziraphale, who spent most of the year living a rather dreary and lonesome existence in the city, Antonia was the closest thing she had ever had to a bosom friend and she cherished their time together more than anything.

But still something burned inside her, it was a funny little feeling that for years she could not put a name to. It cropped up when Antonia grabbed her hands or kissed her cheek or simply looked at her like she was more brilliant than the author of the book she was reading, bubbling and warm.

The oddest things caused it, the smile she got in return for the shriek she let out when Antonia tried to show her a hibernating toad, the chattering of her teeth when she forgot her gloves again but refused to go back for them, any little thing Antonia did that was simply… her.

And during the dark year after her father’s passing when Antonia was cold and strange until she couldn’t be anymore and turned sobbing into her neck and apologizing for things she did not need to apologize for, then, while Antonia’s hot breath evened out against her skin, the two of them more closely entwined than they had been since they were mere children, it resurfaced with a vengeance, and this time Aziraphale knew the feeling’s name. 

It had always been love.

And yet that knowledge did not grant her any comfort.

So Aziraphale said nothing and continued to spend the cold days and nights in Antonia’s presence, knowing that it would end but having no idea how soon.

.

The Winter after Antonia turned sixteen came and went with a quickness Aziraphale was still getting used to as she aged and the evening before she was set to leave for London the two of them went for a walk as was usual for them.

Antonia was wearing one of her older dresses, the hem falling just below her knees and showing off the tall and worn walking boots she often wore to trudge her way through the snow, and it seemed she had stolen her brother’s thick winter coat in a poor attempt to look properly dressed for the weather. Aziraphale on the other hand was bundled up in a dress that reached her ankles, stockings, boots, and two hooded cloaks the outer of which had deep pockets where she kept her mitt covered hands.

Antonia kicked around in a serpentine pattern as Aziraphale kept pace with her.

“Ugh, I wish I were debuting in France, you know I heard they don’t even have to wear panniers there anymore.” She groused. 

“Nasty business, France, it’s good you’ll be far away from there.” Aziraphale pointed out.

“Hmph, I guess I really just wish I wasn’t debuting at all.”

“I thought you wanted to, Anthony said you agreed.” 

“Just because I agreed doesn’t mean I want to.” Antonia sighed. “My mother’s health has been declining since father’s death, digging my heels into the ground even more than I have done will just be more of a burden on her.”

“I see… I wish I could go with you, Gabriel insists I need more time, I rather think he wants me married off at first sight and I’m not a sight anyone would want to marry at the moment.”

Aziraphale wrung her mittened hands together in embarrassment. 

“What?” Antonia whipped around and hissed out the word.

“I-I mean… Well look at you, and look at me. There’s no question which of us would make a finer choice of bride.” Aziraphale blushed and started to fidget with the edge of her inner cloak sleeve, worried she had shown her hand too clearly.

Antonia was looking at her in a way Aziraphale had never seen before, she wasn’t sure what it meant but she had the distinct thought that this must be what butterflies feel like as they are laid out under pins and glass.

“Angel…” She breathed, the nickname from when she, at eleven years of age, had impressively quickly ruined the Nativity Play her aunt had signed her up for tumbling from her thin lips in a cloud of white as she took a step closer, darting her eyes up and down.

“W-what?” Aziraphale didn’t dare move another muscle.

“You truly cannot think that.” Another step closer. “You must know, you’re so smart, you must.”

“Know what?”

“That you’re beautiful.” Her scrunched up eyebrows set themselves in a determined line. “Not just beautiful, you are… incandescent, the smartest, the kindest, the most gorgeous being on the earth. Any man who finds himself in your presence should count his blessings, and if they don’t see that as clearly as day they are all the more a fool.” 

She stepped closer again, closing the final feet between them and grabbing hold of Aziraphale’s thick woolen mittens. 

“May I?”

“Yes.” Aziraphale responded immediately, unsure as to what exactly she was agreeing to.

At her word Crowley’s frigid ungloved hands came up to rest on her round cheeks and she surely would have started had they not felt so good against her rapidly warming flesh. 

It happened as if in slow motion, like God himself knew she would need to replay this over and over again to know it was real and so in his infinite kindness slowed the sands of time itself so she could gather the details fully.

The sun was shining against the days old snow on the ground, making their entire surroundings feel like some cloud filled place among the heavens, Crowley let out another breath filling the slight air between them and then her melted honey eyes were fluttering closed and her freckled nose came closer as she tilted her face down and then they were kissing.

Or rather Antonia kissed Aziraphale while she stood stock still and took in every detail to try and convince herself she was still in reality.

It was sweet, and Antonia tried to make it short but when she started to pull away after mere seconds Aziraphale knew this could not be it. She reached blindly and grabbed for the first thing her hands found, the lapels of the coat Antonia had stolen from her brother. She grabbed on for dear life as she pushed her lips towards Antonia’s again, causing her to make a small keening sound against her mouth.

She tried to make note in her mind of how every nerve in her body felt, warmed and floating mostly, her lips tingling with the new sensation. She felt Antonia’s thin lips and just the slightest bit of sharp teeth pushing and pulling at her own, lighting her entire body up with pleasure and relief, and she knew for her own good she would have to stop then or she might not ever stop at all. 

Aziraphale broke them apart with a pant, and while Antonia still seemed dazed, she pressed a few more quick kisses to her mouth, unable to resist the temptation.

While Antonia watched her, wide eyed and slack jawed in a way that would have usually made her laugh, she gathered her wits again. Aziraphale cleared her throat and stepped back, knocking into the frostbitten willow tree they were under. Trying to brush it off she looked away from Antonia, taking a step to the side in order to hasten her escape.

“Oh, um, thank you.” she said dumbly towards her feet before turning and walking quickly in the direction of her aunt’s house.

Her heartbeat thumped loudly in her chest, and the discordant bass mixed with the crunch of her quickened steps through the icy grass filled her ears.

She didn’t dare look back and had arrived at the door, shed her outer layers and made her way to the washroom before she even realized it. 

Aziraphale gazed at herself in the mirror, she looked horrible. Her frizzy hair was mused out of it’s tight curls in a wholly unattractive way with strands sticking to her forehead with sweat. Her eyes were wild looking and her entire face was still flushed, she also noticed with no small amount of embarrassment that her lips were still shining and slick, whether from her or Antonia she did not know.

She had neither the time nor the energy to indulge in the kind of long hot bath she preferred so she settled for rinsing her face with the room temperature water from the pitcher. She wiped at her lips and looked into the mirror at her face and hair dripping water into the basin below, she looked no better than she had before but that somehow felt fitting. Aziraphale sighed before stripping down to her shift and folding up her clothes in her hands to take back to her room.

There she donned her quilted night dress and fell asleep the moment her head hit the pillow.

.

She bid an awkward goodbye when the carriage came to pick her up the next morning. The Crowley’s always came to see her off but with Lord Crowley’s passing and Lilith’s health it was only Antonia and Anthony who met her that day. 

Antonia fell back, making herself unusually scarce as Anthony made small talk with Gabriel and helped load her trunks into the storage compartment. She tried to gather from Anthony’s usual distant niceties if he had been told about what she did to his sister, but unable to discern anything Aziraphale took his presence as proof enough that he had not. 

Unable to meet Antonia’s honey brown eyes she kept her gaze on the ground as the siblings saw her off.. She was ashamed, ashamed of how much she liked what was clearly a gesture of friendly reassurance, ashamed that she took advantage of it in such a way. The truth was Aziraphale was anything but innocent, she had had dreams before, dreams where Antonia would press her fine lips to hers, hold her, touch her, do things she had only read about in books her aunt had tried to hide underneath stacks of dull encyclopedias. 

In those dreams however, she did not make herself out to be a self-pitying wretch, no, Antonia was acting entirely of her own desires, mirrored from Aziraphale’s of course. Oh how she ached with regret of how she acted, just hoping that Antonia would find it in herself to one day forgive her, that she did not resent her and think she was degrading herself in hopes that she would draw that response and find opportunity to take advantage of her.

She couldn’t bear the thought that Antonia would forever have that impression of her, callous and manipulative.

All she could hope for was that the next few seasons would soften the memory enough for her to be redeemed.

But when she arrived the next winter there was no Antonia. 

After a few days of waiting she trekked over to the Crowley’s manor where Anthony informed her that she had a debut as successful as one can be and was currently in Portsmouth, with her husband. 


	2. The Present

From the moment the letter arrived, covered in express stamps and addressed to Lord Anthony Crowley from Gabriel Fell, Antonia had not left her brother’s side. She knew she was making a nuisance of herself, it was one of the things he had assured her on many occasions she did best.

“I know you’re only doing this to torture me.” She said as Anthony refilled his cup painstakingly slowly.

He continued on as if she were not even in the room, adding tea leaves to the metal infuser and slowly submerging it.

“Augh!” Antonia groused. “Please just put me out of my misery.”

While the tea stepped and Anthony seemed engrossed with watching it she took to stomping around the large office in circles. Her short heels clicked against the floor and the hem of her black housecoat fluttered around her ankles seemingly with the same amount of aggravation Antonia was feeling.

She watched her brother slowly and casually take his first sip and set the cup to the side, replacing it with the letter, finally.

Anthony picked up the ornate serpent’s head letter opener from the desk and sliced the envelope open in one clean cut.

Pulling out the letter he glanced up at his sister who was leaning over his desk, poised to read along. He pushed himself back in his chair, effectively blocking her view which she acknowledged with a long suffering sigh.

Anthony had never been a quick reader and he took his time reading over the rather short letter, once done he handed it over, his face impassive.

Antonia grabbed it from him with excitement and dread and started to read.

_ To Lord Anthony Crowley, _

_ My friend, I am sorry to be writing to you like this after so many years of silence, but it is with a humble heart that I must beg a favor of you.  _

_ I know you are still unmarried, a status I would never denigrate you for, however I also know my sentiments are not reflected by the shareholders of your late father’s company.  _

_ I must be honest in telling you that things have not been going well in terms of the Fell family’s financial situation. Rents in London have tripled while the profits from our publishing house have been quickly declining due to a myriad of issues I will not subject you to at this time. But it is with these truths that I come to you with a proposal, quite literally. _

_ Aziraphale is still unmarried, an issue which I assure you has only to do with the lack of suitors in London in possession of the maturity to see what a prize she is. I am sure you remember, though it has been quite some time since she’s spent her winters with you and your family, her many positive qualities of which she has only gained more since then. She is well read, of a fine temperament, and I can assure you completely virtuous.  _

_ If this arrangement is of interest to you I kindly ask you to join us in the city, please send a response at your leisure, I am looking forward to hearing back. _

_ Your friend,  _

_ -Gabriel Fell _

Antonia scoffed upon finishing the letter- The absolute nerve of that man to send something as insulting as this.

“Well, are you going?” She asked sarcastically, throwing the letter back onto the desk with unhidden disdain.

“I suppose I must.” 

“What!?” She hissed. “You can’t go!”

Anthony raised an eyebrow.

“What’s wrong, Toni? Are you jealous?”

“What on God’s green earth about  _ this _ would make me jealous?”

“Do not try to make a fool out of me, sister, you know exactly what.”

Her heartbeat seemed to be centered in her throat as she tried to splutter out a denial.

Anthony hummed, affirming to himself he had won, and went to pull a new piece of parchment from the drawer.

Antonia started to panic.

“You’re insane, and moreover you’re a bastard!” Antonia leaned far over the desk, her svelte figure bending almost in half. “You don’t care about the business, you don’t care about your reputation, you don’t even care about  _ Aziraphale _ !”

Anthony met her gaze with a furrowed brow and to her horror Antonia realized she had started tearing up,she tried to suppress the pinched burning feeling behind her nose but only succeeded in forcing her lip into a wobbling mess.

“Antonia…” 

“Don’t.” She stood up straight with her hands set up in a pleading gesture. “Just don’t”

Anthony gave her a pitying look.

“Look, I know I teased you but I thought you were over this, it’s been thirteen years.”

“That’s not long enough I guess.” Antonia said, but she privately thought that no amount of time would ever be enough to get over a girl like Aziraphale Fell. She knew her voice betrayed her shrinking confidence, but still she couldn’t stop. “I never even got to talk to her, not really-”

Anthony cut her off with a loud sigh.

“What did you think, that she would go off with you and live in spinsterhood without a penny to her name? Be honest with yourself, what did you think was going to happen?” Antonia didn’t answer and was resolutely staring at the inkwell on his desk. “I know you and Charles found some kind of arrangement but that just isn’t real life, not for us. We can’t always have what we want, Toni.”

“Don’t bring up Charles.” She grumbled. 

“I’m sorry.” Anthony sighed and stood up from the desk. “Look, let’s forget about it for now, I can apparently respond at my leisure, good of him to extend his grace like that.”

Antonia bit back a smile. 

“Fine.” She said in a small voice, a little angry still but mostly drained. 

That night, after a quiet dinner, Antonia lied down for a night of fitful sleep but found she could not even manage that. There were many facts and moving parts to consider and Antonia had always been a fan of solving puzzles.

The facts were that Aziraphale needed to be married, Anthony needed a way out, and Antonia needed Aziraphale.

Antonia sighed and sat up in bed, glancing over to her bedside table she noticed the light from her fireplace sending spinly shadows across her well-loved collection of Shakespeare. She ran a finger over the embossed cover. 

“O God, that I were a man indeed, Beatrice…” She mused, feeling her way down the list of plays. Suddenly her eyes went wide with realization. “O God!”

She pulled the blankets from her form quickly, already reaching for her slippers and overdress which she donned before lighting a candle to bring with her. She rushed her way back to the office where she and her brother had argued earlier that day, keeping quick and quiet while she passed his room.

Once there she set upon her work until the dawn light spilling in from the window snapped her out of her trance. She entertained the idea of getting a few hours of sleep in then, but soon enough the house staff must have realized she was up and inquired about her breakfast plans. 

She then paced the room until her brother walked in, whether awoken by her or himself she wasn’t sure.

“Toni?” He asked sleepily from the doorway.

“I have been up all night thinking of what to do, of what I could say to convince you not to go.”

She grabbed his arm and led him to a chair.

“Antonia it’s too early for this.”

“Oh please, you’re the one who got a decent night’s sleep.” She reached for the tea tray one of the staff had brought up to her and handed it off. “Pour yourself a cup and listen to me.”

Anthony rolled his eyes and grumbled but did what he was told all the same.

Antonia moved a chair next to his so they were both sitting on the same side of the desk and once the tea was poured and Anthony looked slightly less dead to the world she began.

“First I must tell you where I am coming from so you do not misunderstand my intentions. What I told you all those years ago was not something made up in a childish fit of passion, I meant it. I loved Aziraphale, and I want the chance to love her again, in fact I’m not sure that I ever really stopped. She was my closest friend, the only person besides you I can honestly say knew my heart and soul and I would be utterly destroyed if you chose to marry her with that knowledge. You do not have to change your mind, but please listen to what I have to say because I would never forgive myself if I let this opportunity slip through my hands again.” 

He nodded for her to continue.

“Right, now the second thing is, I know you hate it here.”

Anthony opened his mouth, but Antonia cut him off.

“Please don’t argue, I know you brother. I know this has never been the life you wanted any more than mine has been for me. I also know you think me an irresponsible fool who knows nothing of the world, and in some respects I know that to be true. What I want you to consider though is this, I am your baby sister but I am also a grown woman, and just because the world I know is different from yours does not make it any less real. I have held my tongue for too long on this matter, and for that I am sorry.” She steeled herself for the next part. “You are not a good Lord of this household and I believe you are an even worse business owner.”

Anthony choked out a surprised laugh.

“I have been helping you with the books and decision making for years now, I know your heart is not in it. But I also know that’s not your fault, you were never given a choice, how could you have been when father passed while you were still so young and you never had the chance to know any world outside of this one?”

“And what do you expect me to do about that?”

“The money Charles left me in his will, you can have it, every cent, I only ask to keep the house. I know you want to travel and I know you feel encumbered by the duties left to you, trust me when I say I want nothing more than for you to feel at peace with your life, brother. I will take your duties in exchange for my freedoms, I beg you for them in fact.” She reached behind herself to gather some papers. “Look here, I’ve figured it all out, I can hire someone to stay on site while I go to Portsmouth, I’ll take your place and no one will have to be the wiser that anything has changed. You can travel anywhere you want, I even know a man in London who can put all of your documents under a different name for a certain price.” 

“I- I don’t know what to say…” He glanced quickly over the papers she had brought to him in the chair. “I won’t take your money, that’s insane, but the rest of this...It’s impeccable, you've really thought of everything. I suppose I just have to ask, if I’m to go away what will happen to Aziraphale?”

“She’ll be married to Lord Crowley.” She replied with an almost giddy lilt to her voice, plucking the papers from his hands and replacing them with a hand mirror plucked from where it sat on the desk beside a pair of shears.

“I don’t understand.” Anthony admitted.

“Look.” She kneeled at his side so they were at matching eye levels and then took off her night cap.

“Good lord, what happened to you?”

“Shhh, look.”

She held the mirror aloft and turned towards it causing his gaze to follow hers to the reflection.

Her beautiful blood red hair had been shorn down, even shorter than Anthony’s was at the moment and he bit back a comment of mourning for it as he took in what she saw as well.

His sister’s face bare and framed by the short mane so similar to his own was a revelation, he had always known they looked similar but now, shoulder to shoulder, he could mistake her for himself a few years prior. The tilt of their aquiline noses, the spread of their freckles, the way she held her jaw tight in an approximation of his own. The only glaring difference was the color of their eyes, his were the icy blue of their mother’s while she kept their father’s honey brown.

He put a hand over her own holding the mirror.

“Antonia you may be the most amazing woman I’ve ever known, insane of course, but still so smart and so kind.”

“‘M not kind…” She grumbled, pulling the mirror away.

“It’s all very Shakespearian.” He mused after a moment, taking a sip of his tea while Antonia poured her own.

“Yes…” She agreed suspiciously. “You know, you are taking this all rather well, I feel inclined to remind you that this entire plan is contingent on Aziraphale agreeing to it.”

Anthony let out an unbecoming snort of laughter.

“Won’t be a problem.”

“Excuse me?”

“Look, you know Aziraphale, I doubt she could have changed so much that she is not kind above all else, but I think she’ll be happy to do more than simply go along with it.” Anthony looked over his sister, taking in how much the haircut had truly changed her face, it was eerie how close it was to looking in a mirror. “You didn’t see her when she came back that winter, I never said because it wasn’t my place but it was as if her heart had been shattered right in front of me when I told her you had been married.”

Antonia looked back at him, her throat feeling tight.

“Well for both of our sakes I hope you’re right.”

.

The next week and a half was spent working out details and getting their affairs in order.

A letter was sent, written by Antonia and copied in her brother’s hand, informing Gabriel that Anthony would be more than glad to pay a visit to an old friend and informing him of the planned date of arrival in the city.

The more practical side of things also had to be taken care of, they divided up Anthony’s closet into two separate trunks and Antonia put in an order with the cobbler she hoped he would not question.

They were not twins, but similar enough that with the haircut, a pair of stays made for someone less endowed, heeled boots large enough to hide the too long hem of Anthony’s breeches, and an unnaturally natural swagger no one would cast doubt on Antonia showing up to the Fell’s manor to accept Aziraphale’s hand.

The shaded lenses were Antonia’s own idea, insisting that Aziraphale was much too smart to be convinced she had misremembered something as glaringly obvious as their different eye colors.

By time her carriage was set to arrive Antonia had settled into wildly oscillating between excitement and terror, not truly knowing what awaited her in the city.

She was nearly jumping out of her seat with nerves when her brother came to her after confirming plans with the driver.

“Be careful with her Toni,” Anthony smiled a wicked smile. “You read the letter, she’s  _ completely virtuous _ .” 

Antonia rolled her eyes but could not stop the pleasant swoop in her stomach that always accompanied that line of thinking. Her brother may tease her all she likes but she knows what him entertaining this plan truly means to him, and the familiar teasing did help to settle her nerves a bit.

She pressed a cool gloved hand to his face and leaned in.

“Thank you.” She whispered against his cheek before kissing it.

“Go and get thee a wife.” he whispered back, returning the kiss on both of her cheeks and catching a rolling tear with the last.

She nodded and he closed the carriage door, giving one last acknowledgment to the driver and then she was off, for better or worse.

.

Antonia was set to meet the Fells at the Southern edge of St.James’s Park and she was greeted with a boisterous laugh from Gabriel and a clap on the back that would have toppled her had she not been prepared and braced against a walking stick.

“Thank you again, for coming on such short notice, Lord Crowley.” He said while leading Antonia over to where Aziraphale was waiting for them underneath a nearby tree.

“Anything for a friend.” she assured him with one of her brother’s wicked smiles.

Greetings were done and Gabriel set them off to promenade with another hand to Antonia’s back.

“I must admit I had my doubts that you would really come, when Antonia and I were young you never so much as looked at me.” She said rather loudly as they walked away from Gabriel.

“What can I say? I must have been a fool to not see the beauty right before my eyes.”

She looked at him oddly before leaning in closer, causing Antonia’s heart to jump to her throat.

“It’s alright, I’m not under any illusions.” She murmured. “I know what this is, we are both unmarried, our families have been close, my brother is in debt and can no longer provide for me or risk the scandal of kicking me out. I know it has something to do with your business dealings as well... It’s alright, Anthony, I understand.”

Antonia looked at her and tried not to trip over her own feet at the unexpected statement.

“It’s… not all that simple, surely you don’t think me so cold that I’d marry for a business opportunity, we’ve always been… friendly, haven't we?”

“No, no of course not, and yes I do think of you as a friend, but I also don’t doubt I’m hardly what would be your first choice in a bride.” She looked away from him suddenly. “In fact I think it’s very kind of you to do this.”

“‘M not kind…”

Aziraphale laughed brightly at her grumbling.

“You are so much like your sister.” She tells her with a wistful smile.

“Yes, you’d be surprised how very similar we are.”

Aziraphale just kept smiling. 

“I don’t mean to bombard you with all this right away but I’m not sure when we will get another moment alone without Gabriel trying to force you onto one knee.” She admitted. “But still I think you should know what you’re agreeing to if you were to marry me. I want you to know that I expect nothing. We may keep separate beds, even seperate houses, you may take as many mistresses as you like if you are so inclined, or not. I- I’m sorry I just don’t know much about what would appeal to you.”

Antonia looked at her with knitted brows.

“Oh, angel…” 

She let out a nervous chuckle after a moment of silence. 

“Well! It’s been quite a while since someone’s called me that… I hope that’s not truly the most lasting impression you have of me.”

Antonia looked at her face, visibly flushed even through tinted lenses.

“No, no I- I’m sorry, I’m not very good at this.” Antonia said honestly.

Aziraphale suddenly stopped walking.

“Can I tell you a secret?”

Antonia nodded, probably too quickly.

“Neither am I.” She leaned in to whisper. “Isn’t that great?”

And with the afternoon sun lighting up Aziraphale’s golden bonnet covered curls and impish smile Antonia found herself falling in love again, as if she had never even stopped.

.

As Aziraphale correctly guessed the single afternoon promenade they shared was the only moment they had on their own that first day. Upon their arrival back at the Fell household Gabriel took Antonia aside to ‘talk business’ and sent Aziraphale off to get ready for dinner.

By the end of an hour Gabriel must have felt assured that she was not going to run off without Aziraphale on her arm and the conversation devolved into pleasantries as he showed her to the dining room.

There Aziraphale was already seated, bored and fiddling with the cutlery which she immediately dropped upon their arrival. The table was relatively small, built for just six people and Gabriel offered him the head opposite his own, closest to Aziraphale. 

She was wearing a sheer and flowing white overdress underneath which a slightly too tight golden shift hugged her curves. The dress was clearly a few years out of date and Antonia got the impression that she didn’t have the opportunity to wear it often though she couldn’t help thinking what a shame that was. She looked ravishing.

She must have shown something on her face because when she glanced back up Aziraphale was watching her with a small uptick to her brow and lips.

“You look incredible.” Antonia said, trying to make it seem more like a nicety than a heartfelt admission.

“Why thank you, Lord Crowley. You look very fine yourself.” Aziraphale replied before turning her gaze back to her plate of vegetables and roast.

Gabriel laughed, already very pleased with himself.

“Well, aren’t you two getting along like a house on fire!”

Antonia chuckled politely and raised a glass of wine.

“And I intend to keep it burning, Mr.Fell.”

Gabriel grinned and raised his glass in turn and the rest of dinner passed with the usual appropriate small talk. 

Gabriel seemed more interested in talking logistics than trying to sell Antonia on his sister and she was glad when the house staff came to clear the plates, albeit sooner than she expected.

“No dessert?” She asked Aziraphale knowing her tastes in the past tended towards the sweet. This caused Gabriel to grin again.

“I’m not sure that’s needed if there’s to be a wedding in the near future, after all there are dress fittings to think of.”

Antonia turned to him sharply, eyes burning in anger behind her dark lenses.

“I don’t like your implication that anything could possibly cause Aziraphale to look anything short of the most gorgeous bride in London.”

“I-” Gabriel started, a little shell shocked at the admonishment but luckily for him Aziraphale changed the subject.

“Let’s retire to the parlor, brother, I’d like to show Lord Crowley my watercolors.”

He smartly kept his mouth shut as he led them out of the dining room.

In the parlor Aziraphale did show her the watercolors she had done, and they were… fine. She had enough that Antonia was able to make small talk with her about them until it was late enough to politely excuse herself to her room and that was the real point of it.

Once back in her room, Antonia collapsed on the bed with a deep sigh and stayed there on her stomach until the uncomfortable feeling of her stays overcame her laziness. 

She stripped down to her breaches then donned an open nightshirt over her bare chest before she started to unpack her trunk. She hadn’t brought much, not intending this to be a particularly long visit, and once it was done she plucked the book of Shakespeare she had thrown in at the last minute.

Folding into one of the comfortable chairs near the fireplace she put her tinted glasses to the side and lost herself in a different world.

It must have been hours by time Antonia’s spell was broken by a quick knock on the door and the sound of someone stepping in on delicate feet. She turned with a start, barely having time to clutch her shirt closed in front of her exposed chest before Aziraphale slid inside and shut the door behind her quietly.

“Aziraphale, what are you-”

“Toni?” She was cut off by Aziraphale who was looking directly into her eyes, her mouth parted in confusion and surprise.

Antonia knew she would have to explain the truth at some point, but she thought she would last more than one day without blowing it. She contemplated pretending she was mistaken but taking stock of her glasses on the table and undisguised voice, not to mention what lay under the shirt she was holding closed, she decided that was a fool's errand.

“Yes?”

“Uh…” Aziraphale was looking her up and down before she sharply turned to look at the wall. “Sorry, I- I’m sorry I should go, I didn’t-”

“Wait! Um, just wait a second.” Antonia quickly buttoned up her shirt

Aziraphale let out a nervous breath and turned around.

“What are you doing here? Where’s Anthony? Did my- Why-” She shook her head and raised her chin, clearly hoping she looked very serious indeed which nearly made Antonia laugh. “What’s going on here?”

“Look, it’s… It’s rather complicated, okay? Well I guess that’s not true, it’s just a little strange, or different I suppose. I- I don’t know where to start…”

Aziraphale sighed and walked towards her.

“Let’s start here,” She stuck out her hand. “Hello.”

“Oh!” Antonia blinked and slowly raised her hand to meet Aziraphale’s. “Hi...”

“Right,” Aziraphale took a seat in the chair next to Antonia’s. “So, you got a haircut.”

Antonia laughed.

“Yes, yes I… I’m sorry this is just so weird I really should have been prepared for this.”

“It’s alright, my dear, take your time.”

Aziraphale’s face was lit up with a small kind smile and Antonia felt comfort in knowing this really was her best friend, no matter how much time has passed.

She took a deep breath and explained the plan, everything she had done the night after the letter arrived and everything she told her brother in the morning, minus the more...personal details.

“I’m sure you have questions.”

“Not as many as one might think.”

“Oh?”

“Yes, I just suppose I’m just curious, how did your husband pass?” She asked before really thinking it through. “Oh! I’m sorry, don’t answer that, stupid question”

“It’s fine, a trick of fate, it was a simple cold turned deadly.” 

“Antonia, I’m so sorry.”

Antonia put a hand over her own and gave her a small smile.

“Don’t fret, our marriage was- We… had an understanding. You see I met him while I was visiting my uncle Nigel.”

Aziraphale gave her a look to carry on.

“Nigel owns a Molly House in the city.”

Aziraphale blushed.

“Oh. I see.”

“Yes, so we had an understanding, that is not to say I felt nothing for him, we were very close friends, as close as we possibly could be I imagine after eight years together. Even if it wasn’t the marriage our families thought it was… I cherished it.” Antonia sighed. “Still I know he would have wished for my happiness as I did his own and now that all is said and done I have an inheritance bigger than I know what to do with and a manor on the shore with thick walls and a very discreet staff.”

“Oh.” Aziraphale was still flushed red.

“I’m sorry, that wasn’t meant to be- I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No?” Aziraphale asked before clearing her throat and changing the subject. “I suppose I also wonder, why would you do all that though? Not that I’m ungrateful I just… I thought you rather hated me…after, well, how I acted.”

“What?” Hate you? How could I- No, no never.”

“But I-”

“Let’s not dwell on it, okay?” Antonia asked. “We both made mistakes, but now we have time to correct them.”

Aziraphale looked at her old friend who was kindly giving her a way out, forgiving her presumptuous actions and extending an offer of friendship again. And as happy as it made her, she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to accept just a part of what she wanted from her. 

She wanted Antonia, after years of absolute silence and a lonely indoor existence she still wanted her, and she wouldn’t take a gesture of pity, not when she doesn’t even know the whole story.

“No, no I have to say this, explain it to you if I can.” She glanced down at their hands that were still touching. “I’m sorry. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say I have felt guilt about how I treated you every day since I last saw you. And I just hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me for taking advantage of you like I did.”

“Angel, if anything it was me who took advantage of you…” Antonia suddenly threw her head back. “And here I am doing it again! What’s wrong with me?”

“Darling what are you talking about? You are doing me a great favor here.”

“But not for the right reasons! Ugh, I still love you, Aziraphale!”

“You love me? Since when?”

“Since wh- What do you mean? Since always, you knew that, I kissed you!”

Aziraphale was silent for a moment before she spoke up in a small voice.

“I… thought it was a friendly kiss?”

“A-a  _ friendly kiss _ ? What kind of friends did you have back home? The way I remember it I practically tried to stick my tongue down your throat.”

“I think you are overplaying your role in the matter, Toni.” Aziraphale said dryly. “But that’s beside the point, you  _ love _ me?”

“Yes!”

“Oh!” Aziraphale chuckled lightly. “Well this is quite embarrassing.”

Antonia gave her a sad and confused look.

“Not you, my dear.” She brushed a fallen lock of hair from Antonia’s eyes. “I just feel a little silly because I thought I had always been the only one.”

“Nng, no, not as such.”

“I see that now. Thank you.” She smiled.

Antonia just stared at her for a moment.

“Oh! And I love you too, best to just say it out loud now.” She trailed her hand down to cup Antonia’s sharp cheekbone. “May I?”

“Please!” Antonia gasped.

And then they were kissing.

Aziraphale had started off in her own seat but with Antonia’s coaxing she quickly went from bumping knees to straddling her in the soft armchair. 

Sitting there with Antonia’s hands hot against her cheekbone and the small of her back Aziraphale couldn’t help but think how much  _ better  _ this felt. Of course they were older, and Antonia clearly had experience as she tried to make good on her comment about her tongue but more than that it just felt so safe and good. The fact that they were in a warm room instead of a cold field and the reassurance of required feelings instead of fear for her own was of great comfort to her.

She pressed closer and moved one of her arms, involuntarily brushing against Antonia’s breast and making her gasp against her mouth.

Aziraphale nipped at her bottom lip.

“Bed?” she asked, moving one of her feet to the ground to stand.

Antonia groaned 

“We shouldn’t…”

“What?” Aziraphale whispered, bringing her into another kiss before she could answer.

“Mmm, we should stop now or I’ll get in trouble.”

Aziraphale pressed another kiss to the corner of her mouth before standing.

“You’re probably right.” 

“I really wish I wasn’t” Antonia mumbled against her hand before kissing it gently.

Aziraphale giggled at the familiar gesture. 

“I’m so glad it was you today, I was having a bit of a crisis thinking I had a crush on your brother.”

“Ugh, don’t bring up my brother right now.” Antonia grumbled while she stood up.

“Alright, I won’t.” She smiled.

“So, what’s the plan for tomorrow?”

“Well, if all went as well as I thought it did today I should be expecting a proposal from Lord Crowley.”

“So soon?” She teased. “But of course a lovely woman such as yourself shouldn’t be kept waiting.”

Azirapale hummed her agreement.

“I do fear his proposal will be rather plain and trite though, do you mind if I leave you with some words of my own?”

“By all means.” She said, pleasantly surprised.

“Aziraphale Fell, the great love of my life, I fear I cannot give you what a husband can, I cannot give you children, I cannot show you off at grand parties, I cannot be everything that this world has decided you need. But I can promise you I will try to be the best wife possible.”

“Antonia…” She whispered with tear filled eyes. 

“I promise to never let a day go by where you have to wonder if you are loved, I will remind you, probably too much, with my words, with my touch, with all that I am, because I know that for all your infinite wit you still do not know that you are the most precious creature in all of existence. I promise to never let you grow cold, I will always hold an extra cloak, I promise to never let your stomach grow hungry, I will always fill your plate, and I promise to never let your arms grow tired from carrying all the books I know you will find. I will carry them, even as I complain because you’ll know I don’t mean it, I would truly do anything for you, angel. Anything… if you’ll have me.”

“Toni… I-” Aziraphale cleared her throat. “I don’t know what to say.”

“It’s alright, I um, I already planned to say that and I was worried I might not get another chance like this.” She looked a little embarrassed even after everything. 

“No, no. Let me try.” Aziraphale pressed another soft kiss to her mouth. “I don’t want a husband, I have never wanted a husband. From the moment I was ready to think about such things I only ever wanted you. I wanted my brilliant, beautiful best friend who looked at me like I was something special when no one else did. I love you, I don’t think I could ever love anyone else the way I love you and I never want to have to find out. You say you cannot give me what a husband can, but my dear, can’t you see that what you can give me is so much better.”

“How soon do you think Gabriel can get us a marriage license?” Antonia asked immediately, causing Aziraphale to laugh quietly.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if he already had it drawn up.”

Antonia grinned.

“Goodnight, my dear.”

“Goodnight.”

And with one final kiss she was out the door and Antonia was alone smiling like an absolute fool in love, and that was something she didn’t mind being at all.


End file.
